I didn't know why I was such a square peg my whole life until I
discovered I was autistic two years ago. I could never follow what
everyone else was doing, or what I was being instructed to do. As far
back as nursery school, I can remember just not fitting in with
everyone. Simple things seemed so hard for me while complex things
seemed simple to me. I was picked on, bullied, and ridiculed in school
until I was about 11 and got introduced to punk rock. The first time I
heard bands like The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Exploited, Dead
Kennedys, and others, I lit up like a Christmas tree. I always liked
heavier music, but this was explosive and immediately drew me in.
Back in the late 1980s there weren't a lot of punk rockers, but I found
the ones that lived near me. With our charged up mohawks, leather
jackets, combat boots, chains, and chokers, we stood out in the rural
suburbs of Central Jersey like a giraffe in a neon bikini strolling through
Macy’s. I stopped caring that I couldn't fit in with the mainstream and
started embracing my individuality. We went to as many shows as we
could get to. None of my friends or other rockers at shows ostracized
me or picked on me. They didn't even notice that I was different from
them. I felt like I belonged somewhere. I sang in several punk rock
bands and played tons of gigs from the age of 14 until I moved from
New Jersey to Texas in 2014. Music, specifically punk rock, was a
lifeline for me. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't find my tribe or
music that inspired me.
I grew extremely restless from not being in a band about 2 years ago, so
I started learning how to record my own music and have recorded tons
of music in the last 2 years. This is a theme song I wrote about being
true to who you are:
https://soundcloud.com/espie-punk/whoareyouremix-2-8-23-9-
29-pm?in=espie-punk/sets/organized-chaos
Here's what I learned through my experiences:
1. Don't let anyone or anything define you.
2. Sometimes no one likes what you do. If you like it, do it
anyway.
3. Success may not be what you think it is.
4. Find people that don’t judge you and keep them close.
Punk’s not dead. It’s immortal.
